11.05.2006
10:38 PM
I was going to list the ten things that have been bugging me.
But I decided I’ll just work with one since it has been bugging me for the longest time now.
As everybody would know, I USED (past tense) to have a best friend.
Her name is Gwen Chan Si Min..
And I’m finally going to stop avoiding the fact that we’re not best friends anymore.
I guess it all started when she moved to sit in front and got acquainted with her new friends. I had no right to stop her from making new friends, but I guess I should have fought harder to save our friendship.
But it has become a friendship that is as cold as ice.
Damn it, I’ve been having nightmares about it. And it just shows me 2 roads in the dreams.
First is to let her go, she is happy being with her new friends, so shouldn’t I just leave it at that? At the end of the day, I only want her to be happy with where she is.
Second is to confront her and trash things out, and hope that it would turn out like the ending in my dream, she was still the girl that I grew to like and learnt to understand.
But what are the chances of that happening?
I don’t think I have ever been this affected by the loss of a friend before.
Perhaps it’s because I always took them for granted, and always presumed that in the end we would be able to work things out.
But she has taught me a lesson, nothing is forever. And I should treasure my friendships more.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of her.
I miss shopping with her during the holidays, going out for coffee with her.
Cracking dumb jokes, and saying stupid things.
Having our heart to heart talks about everything and anything.
We did so many things together, discussed the latest movies, songs, tabloid news.
I guess you see my point.
This is not some sympathy trick I’m trying to pull.
These are the things I’ve been trying to hide, things that nobody knows.
It is affecting me more then anyone will know, and I want to know happened.
I’ve got questions, too many of them, and they need to be answered.
[sharolyn]